I don't even have to turn around
by Sara and gabriella
Summary: It all began with "Wouldn't you if you're married to Mrs. Roper?" "I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle." "It's me.".How did it end? Not an ending, just a beautiful beginning for two characters. One to Go GSR


I don't even have to turn around...

Gabby's A/N: Hello my fellow GSR(ers). : ) I'm writing this story, for a perfect reason. It'll go with a video my friend Elizabeth made. Her you tube video is called:

GSR's Happy Beginning (I Try – Macy Grey). Yes, she used the song, "I Try" by Macy Grey. But, this won't be a song fic. Well, it may be, but not til the end. Well, again, if it is, it's only going to have bits and pieces of songs, the important lines.

I thought, saying goodbye to Grissom and Sara both, was going to kill me. Instead, I am very happy. Why? Well, for starters, the characters now have closure, and a new Beginning!

Not an Ending.

Just merely a beautiful Beginning.

Enjoy,

Gabby

PS: I'm giving one of my friends permission to post this on her profile too.

* * *

"**Wouldn't you if you were Mrs. Roper?"**

"**I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle."  
"It's me."**

**---------------------  
**

He turned around, smiling. She had come. To be here. To work with him, on a case.

To investigate Warrick.

Warrick was one of his best CSI's. He couldn't afford to lose him.

Oh how he missed her so much, when he left San Fransisco. Really good times. Beautiful times, in fact. But, there was a big difference between them. Age. He couldn't have her. She needed to live her own life, to find someone her age, to be happy. Not settle down with someone so set in their ways, someone older.

------------------------

"**Let's have dinner. Let's see what happens."**

"**Sara..I don't know what to do about this."**

"**I do. You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late."**

He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to be too late.

She didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to let go of him. Never.

Though, She'd never admit that he could never be too late.

He called her honey. He held her hand.

She thought things would change.

They didn't.

--------------------------

"**It's sad isn't it, Doc? A couple of middle aged guys like us, how we never really touch people unless we're wearing latex gloves. We wake up one morning and realize that for 50 years we haven't really lived at all... But then one day, someone young and beautiful offers to share their life with you, someone you can care about. We have to give up everything we worked for to have them, I couldn't do it..."**

She couldn't believe it.

'_Son of a bitch'_ Sara thought. _'I'm done. I'm tired of it all.' _

_"I may appear to be free  
But I'm just a prisoner of your love  
I may seem alright and smile when you leave  
But my smiles are just a front  
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you  
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin"_

Yes, she smiled for him. No, nothing was wrong.

Yes, everything was wrong. Everything.

He was wrong. He was right. She didn't know which he was anymore.

She started to feel as if she hated him. But...she could never ever hate him.

No, she'd hate herself. For letting herself get so low, to want.. to need him.

"_I'm sorry too Grissom. I'm sorry for ever loving you." Sara whispered to the interrogation window, as if he could her hear. She didn't care._

_-----------------------------------------  
_

"_**Come on, I'll take you home."**_

_She got drunk. Okay, not drunk at first. Just a drink or two to celebrate with Nick and Warrick._

_Nick's almost promotion. _

_She feels as if it should have been her that got the promotion. She worked her ass off, since she couldn't get Grissom to see how she felt about him. _

_So now, he's here, picking her up. _

_From the Police station._

_Her head hangs low._

_She feels ashamed, disappointed in herself. _

_He feels worried. Concerned._

"_Isn't that the same thing?" She asks._

_All he does is look at her and smile, continuing at what he always does. His work._

_---------------------------------  
_

"_**You've always been a little more than a boss to me. Why do you think I moved to Vegas?"**_

"_**Let's just say that, sometimes I look for validation in inappropriate places."**_

_It was the truth. She came here for him._

_She did look for validation in inappropriate places._

_She looked for validation in him._

_All she got was tears, heartache, drunk and counseling. What a package huh?_

_-----  
_

"_**I don't believe genes are a predictor of violent behavior."**_

"_**You okay?"**_

"_**Well, the mind has it's filters."**_

_All of what he said to her, flashed before her eyes. All of it was in her head._

_It was nerve wracking._

_It all hurt. _

_She couldn't take it too much longer._

_----------------------  
_

"**Natalie Davis. I know who you are. I know a lot about you."**

"**We actually have a lot in common, you know. I was a foster kid too. Happy happy, joy joy. I do know what it's like to be alone, afraid that nobody's ever going to be there for you."**

"_Ernie loved me more than Grissom could ever love you."_

Maybe it was true. Maybe Natalie was right.

_'No Sara, no mental nut case serial killer is ever right. Remember?' She tries to convince herself._

_It fails. She knows Natalie is right._

_-----------------------  
_

"_**You know, maybe we should get married. So, uh... What do you think?"**_

"_**Yes. Let's do it."**_

_Finally. Happy._

_So she thought._

_  
So he thought._

_So they both thought._

_What was happiness? They didn't know._

_Sara was slowly slipping away._

_Grissom was too busy to realize that she was. _

_In the end, all that was left, was sadness._

_No more Happiness._

_-----------------------------  
_

"**Out in the desert, under that car that night, I realized something, and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died, I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We've been like close friends, and out there in the desert, it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry."**

_'I try to say goodbye and I choke  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
Though I try to hide it it's clear  
My world crumbles when you are not near'_

He couldn't believe what he was reading.

Her Goodbye.

No.. This couldn't be happening. He refused to believe it.

Days went by, and he felt the missing presence of her.

She left.

-----------------------------------

"**I was holding him. ... God, I could feel his life, ... I guess I felt that if I could hold him tight enough, he'd be okay."  
"You know that there is no place in the world that he would have rather been at the end. ... He loved you."**

She came back.

She came back for him. For the team.

He missed her so much.

He's never missed anyone that much in his life, he admits to himself.

He wondered if she missed him.

She did miss him.

She missed him more than anything.

Though, she'd hate her next move.

She was leaving him again.

Whether he came or stayed.

-----------------------------------

"**Maybe we should go away for a while."  
"I can't. We're so short. ... Why don't you stay?"  
"I can't stay here. It'd be nice to take a trip. I don't know, get on a sea shuttle, go to the Galapogos, we could literally walk in the footsteps of Darwin." **

He couldn't leave.

Warrick's death was a big hit on the lab, and the people who ran it.

Lots of personnel wanted Undersherrif McKeen dead.

Lots of people were pulling overtime.

-----------------------------------------

"**I'm not saying that he didn't love her. He loved her so much that he kept her alive for eight years. You're still a scientist, you know that after that many years of atrophy she wasn't coming back to him. I mean, sooner or later a relationship in stasis withers, you get angry. You need more than the safety of knowing you're not alone."  
**

"**Then he should have just walked away."  
**

"**Maybe he couldn't. Maybe he needed her to leave him."  
**

"**Who are we talking about right now?" **

Right. Who were they talking about right then?

Most likely, them.

She's leaving again. She's leaving him again.

He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to have to miss her again.

He doesn't want her to leave.

But, it's what she does. It's what she's good at now.

Leaving.

----------------------

**"Hello from below the equator in ****Puerto Ayora****."**

**"There's even this marine biologist that reminds me a little bit of you."**

**"I have been thinking about us a lot though... all the moments... I'd thought we could survive anything. But... now for the first time in a really long time, I'm happy."**

**"Before I left, you said something that I tried not to hear, but now I... I think you were right."**

**"If a relationship can't move forward, it withers. I've been waiting for you to decide, but sometimes, not making a decision is making a decision."**

**"What I'm trying to say is... you don't have to worry about me anymore."**

**"I'm good. I'm really good. And honestly, I think it's better this way."**

Truth is, he always worries about her. He always will.

Below the equator? Must be some trip.

What does this mean?

What does she mean?

Is she giving up on him? Does she want him, to give her up?

To let her go free?

He can't. He won't.

Absolutely not.

He knows, what he has to do.

There won't be no cake in the break room either.

-----------------------------------------------

"**Griss, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you put me out in the field."  
"I'm sure there were times you wished I probably didn't."  
"Well, it changed my life." **

"**I will never forget the things you've taught me." **

He smiles. He wont forget either.

Walking out of the lab, one last time.. He sees Catherine.

She winks.

He smiles and keeps walking. Walking out of the darkness, and into the light.

Walking to his passions.

Walking to where it calls his name, silently.

He keeps walking.

Checks the GPS. 'Costa Rica'.

The targets' straight ahead.

He stops.

He watches.

Each snap of the camera, he hears.

He swears he can hear her breathing.

She turns around. Still holds the camera.

She can't believe it.

He's here.

She's there.

They're both there. For each other. Needing, wanting each other.

He can't take just standing there anymore.

He walks over to her, and embraces her, into the most passionate, electrifying, real kiss.

They're so lost in each other, they don't notice the monkey watching them.

_'I don't even have to turn around. Gil Grissom."_

"**It's me."**

They both smile, looking into each other's eyes, knowing the others' thoughts.

The End-

PS: Not the end. Just the Beginning. : )

Song used: I Try (Macy Grey)

To see the video, go to Youtube (dot) com. type in title: GSR's Happy Beginning

Comment!

Always,

Gabby


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